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Old Fox 004: As 2012 draws to a close...

Monday, December 31, 2012

As 2012 draws to a close...


The year has drawn to a close and what a year it has been - we survived the 'End of the World'! 

I'm neither ecstatic nor gloomy though. The internal and the external have all collided into one big mass of chaos within me. I'm quite numb with what's happening in my country right now. I'm scared I'm a woman. And then again, its also required a whole defragmentation process for me this year. It's been 15 days that I've been lying unruffled... well, almost!

As I was getting ready to pick up tasks on my to-do list, I heard a faint tear like a tectonic shift in the middle of the Arabian Sea, but only it felt like it was within me. The next thing I know is that pain erupted like a volcano from my lower back and I fell down unconscious before which I had managed a feeble shout out to the hubby. 

Probably 5 minutes later, I came back into consciousness to sense tremendous amount of pain shooting out from my lower back to all the neurons in my body.

Oversoul by Alex Grey
It was 9 hours of excrutiating pain as I lay on the floor motionless, having ended all attempts to fight back. But, those 9 hours were a God send. I don't really believe in the idols or religions but a bright ray of hope hidden in the human spirit has to be God. It was this hope that served as my crutches - I began to crawl and finally walk with the hubby's support and somehow managed to make it to the hospital. The verdict was clear - I had stretched myself too far this time!

I'm on medication and rest for a month now but I've realised that the duration depends totally on me. Every moment that I feel hope, I'm able to walk but the very moment I give up, the pain returns. It is like the Satan is just waiting around the corner for Hope to leave. I was so traumatised by the shock waves passing through my body that sleeping at night was a task in itself, but hope has opened a new door.

Incidentally, I've begun to read 'Man's search for meaning' by Viktor Frankl, which is a rather painful account of his stay at a concentration camp and how his search for meaning ultimately saw him survive unspeakable cruelty.

We, as a species, have survived for so long that sometimes it builds a complex and I don't know whether I feel superior or inferior. But, every living moment has a meaning so I guess 'Time' - being the biggest teacher  - will tell! 

2012 started off into the unknown. Me and hubby had decided to bootstrap our venture with a little savings and no viable business model. Today, at the end of the year, I can't believe we made it through 12 months without a salary and heaps of multi-tasking. It is true I broke my back, but it is also true that I could manage to keep a little of my 2012 resolution of inculcating a strong sense of discipline in me. 2012 also saw our first marriage anniversary as well as the second one for the startup, so the year sums up as one of juggling between two unknowns - a marriage and a bootstrapped startup!

As I bid adieu to 2012, I look forward to the new year and hope to listen more and talk less, to stop running and start walking, to just be in the moment and feel the meaning. And 2013 will hopefully ring in a miracle because that's just what the world needs now!

Happy 2013 to all my readers!

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12 Comments:

At January 12, 2013 at 10:59 PM , Blogger Teri Brown said...

To new beginnings and better health!

 
At January 13, 2013 at 7:10 PM , Blogger Jack said...

Oldfox,

Hope you are feeling better now. Please do not ever give up on hope. I feel so sad to know of your injury. Please do look after your health and no skipping of medicines or doctors advice. Wish you a very Safe and Happy 2013.

Take care

 
At January 15, 2013 at 1:59 PM , Blogger Alka Gurha said...

This post echoes my thoughts.Sorry to know about your fall. You will recover soon.Trust me.
I too have been unwell for the past one month. After several tests, the doctors have not been able to identify the problem. The aches and pains are debilitating. But life goes on and hoping that this too shall pass.

Love
TC

 
At January 17, 2013 at 11:02 AM , Blogger Swapna Raghu Sanand said...

I am really sorry to hear that you had such a bad fall. Hope you are taking enough rest, following the doc's orders and having a bit of 'me time' to indulge in just a bit.

Vinaya, when I read about the part about your venture and how you began it with a little savings and no viable business model, it struck a chord because my husband did the same too several years ago. Even today, I can recall the tension, the conviction and the passion that went into creating something like that with a no-profit motive. But looking back, while those were the toughest years, I also see that as the best learning curve we had together in our relationship and in life.

I am confident that you and hubby will create those meaningful milestones in your life together and in whatever little ways that I can, I'd love to be of some help in some way. Good, committed people like you and Prashant are exactlywhat the world needs now! God bless, take care!

 
At January 18, 2013 at 3:47 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Teri Brown
Cheers to that! thank you for visiting my blog:)

 
At January 18, 2013 at 3:49 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Jack uncle
I'm doing good now...off the medicines, now on exercise and back rest. Happy 2013 to you and I promise to stay healthy this year ;)

 
At January 18, 2013 at 3:56 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Alka
I'm already much better now - medicine stage over, now exercising and looking forward to new learnings in 2013! A few months back, I had started getting signals from my back, but I ignored it as routine overwork and fatigue.

I suggest you to take enough physical rest along with work and exercise, and meditate for peace of mind. Eat plenty of fruits, green veggies and dry fruits regularly. These are the active sources of vitamins - i'm sure you know much more!

Good wishes for your health and happy 2013!

 
At January 18, 2013 at 4:05 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Swapna
Am doing good now though I cannot sit for longer than 2 hours, this will only improve with time, but it was fun watching movies and reading the pending books!

Nice to know about you and your husband's learning curve. Like you said, it really helps the relationship as well as nurture our individual qualities. A new marriage, a new venture brings along a rush of things to do on the fly, and can often take one unawares!

That reminds me - I have a lot to blog in this area! Thank you for your kind words, I'd really be so happy if PN and me can create some positive change in this world:)

Thank you and wish you, Adi and ur hubby too!

 
At January 29, 2013 at 10:52 PM , Blogger Ruchi Jain said...

have a good health and. a rocking business with ur hubby ...may ur all anniversry be v good ...happy new year...

 
At February 3, 2013 at 7:06 PM , Blogger Alka Gurha said...

I am better. The recovery is slow but steady. Thanks for the wishes. If at all u open a fb account do add me as a friend.

 
At February 6, 2013 at 9:03 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Ruchi
Thanks Ruchi! A happy new year to you too:)

Alka
I'll sure do that! slow and steady stays long term:)

 
At July 1, 2013 at 8:22 PM , Blogger Hia said...

take care and maintain your good health.Never give up on hope.Hope you are feeling better.Enjoy your 2013 with your hubby :)!!!

lots of love<3 ,
HIA

 

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