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Old Fox 004: About being the wife and little else...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

About being the wife and little else...

It was the deciding moment in my life four years back. I had rehashed the most useful template in my entire professional life of 8 years - the resignation template and presented it to the manager. I was freed the very next moment and remember walking away crooning Queen's 'I want to break free'. The manager, who should be severely reclassified in the 'Invertebrata' family, did however butt in with free gyaan but somewhere we both realised it was late - just too late.

It wasn't about the analyst function anymore nor was it about glass ceilings, favouritism or other office shenanigans. I just wanted to feed my heart, listen to my own song; I wanted to explore me!

I had to start early in life - started at seventeen as a field researcher with a marketing and research group, then followed pretty much anything that came my way from writing certificates in calligraphy to painting t-shirts to writing term assignments for classmates. Then took the roller coaster ride on my way to career and self fulfilment.

Alas! A series of roles  - faculty, database administrator, data analyst, quality analyst, trainer, etc. etc. but nothing that touched within, nothing at all that I would carry a piece of when I transcend. And that's how I found myself at the edge of the cliff four years ago.
looking beyond
Image courtesy: modernlifeblogs
Today even after four years of exploration, I've barely scratched the surface but I do know that I can design handicrafts, logos, brochures and wedding cards. It was an unknown path but the deeper I walked in, the familiar it became and the more I wanted to waltz around. Now it is the most delightful road to be on - one that smells of familiar flowers, one where I soak in the rich journey, without a care to where I'm headed!

Though it's strange how I travelled in search of me and found happiness instead. A good measure of true happiness for me is the ones who are happy because of you. And we can only spread happiness when we are happy inside. And we are happy when we find ourselves. So I guess its a vicious pursuit every life we lead.

But then there is an external world - a society that attaches happiness to degrees, cars and promotions. A society that is constantly wanting to make you feel small and insignificant. A society that is defined by clout and gender inequalities. Perhaps, this is going towards the scale of melodrama now, but this is how it is.

These days I hardly get to design. But I'm filling up my days with blogging and reading up every little thing to keep myself updated. Remember I write a blog along with my hubby and this keeps us occupied 24x7. There's never a dull moment for me as I love writing and to juggle it with cleaning, cooking, sorting and other chores in a regular day, is actually testing my multitasking abilities to the core.

It's beyond my comprehension how the human brain reconfigures itself to learning new tasks and creating new patterns of thought for a specific task. It's like you get into something that looks uncomfortable and soon it becomes your second skin. It's almost magical. Thinking was never so much fun!

But...I'm the wife at the end of it all and not the co-founder - at least that’s how the majority thinks! I do a fair amount of brainstorming to generate new ideas. I think as our readers do and help improve upon the design aspect. I do a lot of research as one cannot create content unless stimulated enough, unless passionate enough or better still unless she is on the wings of fire!

But when I write an article, the hubby gets all the accolades for it - he is the face of the blog after all. Though he goes out all the way to clarify but one cannot blame the world for thinking it’s a one-man show. There is a certain lady - a sharp, intelligent, business-savvy one, who is very impressed with our content and confesses to spending a few hours reading us at a stretch. She knows about the two of us. But interestingly, I do not exist for her. All her feedback and suggestions are always addressed to the Founder.

I used to attend events along with him but I've stopped those now. It’s like daddy has brought his little darling to office and everyone in the department wants to greet her. Of course! I'm to be blamed. I had introduced myself as 'Wife' and then 'Co-Founder', because in my mind I was only playing the supporting actor role to help my hubby - the Hero! The blog is his dream; he has spent the whole of last year writing articles every day along with his day job.

I've come to terms with this and strangely am finding my place in his dream. When I look back to connect the dots, I see everything that I ever learned to do is now finding its rightful purpose. Much like the random, meaningless pieces of a puzzle that align themselves to finally give meaning to it. So never mind the external identity crisis as long as I am in search of 'me'!

"It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit." ~ Denis Waitley.

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At September 9, 2012 at 10:19 PM , Blogger Prasant Naidu. said...

The Founder speaks...okay the husband speaks:
you have the every right to tell the world dude haven't you checked the author's name. alas! we still go by our formed notions. True LHI has my face but I know that it is not a one man show. my articles would never be read if you don't edit it twice. the content plan would be dull if you don't bring those smart ideas and moreover I can't work without food and your masala tea(these days coffee is taking the back stage)
Moreover apart from all this you are the only person who believes in what i believe. i can't ask for more. I know what you were, what you are and how much you have stretched yourself.
Keep Rocking,

At September 11, 2012 at 3:32 AM , Blogger kanagu said...

At last I got the comment box opened :) gee boom ba :D :D

Never mind the society Vins.. They never cared about what happening behind. They don't want to take up the pain of digging up. Be happy. You know how important you are to your site and your hubby too knows that :) And it no simple thing to manage both the home and business :) Keep rocking Vins :)

At September 13, 2012 at 10:56 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...


Thanks!! All's well :P

Thanks K!! You've said it - 'no simple thing':)
Sorry abt the comment box thing...i changed the template to a classic one,that dynamic template has some problem...

At September 20, 2012 at 6:57 PM , Blogger Jack said...


Where did my comment vanish?

Take care

At September 23, 2012 at 12:45 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Jack Uncle
I think there's a comment monster somewhere here!
I swear I didn't delete it, uncle!

At September 26, 2012 at 5:03 PM , Blogger Jack said...


It is undisputed fact that only one who is happy can spread happiness. Happiness in inside each of us and it is we who fail to find it. Lucky in the one who finds it and he or she will never have any difficulty in life thereafter. Work should be done for own satisfaction and not for praise. It is own inner satisfaction which should be more dear than anything else. If praise goes to your partner of life, then I am sure that realization will dawn on him that it is due to you and then make him closer to you ever. Do go and meet people as his better half. Facts are known to him and that is what matters.

Take care

At September 26, 2012 at 9:54 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Uncle Jack
So finally the much anticipated comment is in!!!

Coming from you, I understand this is wisdom speaking and I respect it fully.

I do go out to meet people along with him as his 'wife', but I do not go to professional events anymore, for the simple reason that a majority of people look at me as the 'wife' and not the 'Co founder' hence they do not discuss professional things with me, I'm usually avoided!

The point I was making in this post is about acknowledgement and dignity of labour. Every person on this planet right from the peon to the head of the organisation wants to be acknowledged and better still appreciated for what he/she contributes to the organisation.
You had sent that story about the last question in the graduating class being 'What is the name of the caretaker?' and sadly nobody had bothered knowing her name even after using her services for so long! That story teaches us the most fundamental aspect of building trust and respect for everyone around us, no matter what they do.

This November, our blog completes 2 years, in the midst of which we also got married. And all throughout I've faced this discrimination of being treated lesser (being a woman I guess)There are a lot of beautiful people out there who acknowledge my contribution to the blog, but then again this post is for the section of people who do not. The lady I've written about refuses to acknowledge me at all, even after 22 months:)

He is my support and inspiration now and always...We are still learning so much from a year of marriage and 22 months of working together!!!

Thank you so much for taking the pain to come back to this post just to put your comment! This I'll always remember and try to implement myself:)

At September 27, 2012 at 10:10 AM , Blogger Allka Gurha said...

We are all seeking and searching...I am glad you are listening to your heart.
Do what gives you happiness. Dont care about others.

I discontinued my Phd to become a mother. I dont regret it one bit.

At September 30, 2012 at 12:51 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

You listened to your heart!!!

I love doing what i do and yes, I've learnt something from the comments here:)

Thank you for sharing abt ur life, Alka! yes, I'll stop caring about what others think of me:)

At December 2, 2012 at 9:52 PM , Blogger rama said...

Even I have gone through the same thing, and still going through. However, I have long stopped bothering about it. It doesn't really matter, for we both know what is the truth, and we don't need certificates from others.
A time comes when you realize you don't need anything.
Nice to know a little about you through your blogs.

At December 2, 2012 at 10:41 PM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Thank you for sharing a little about you too! Yes, that point of time is so good...you feel so free!!

At December 11, 2012 at 11:23 PM , Blogger Unknown!!! said...

Hey Vinnie.. excellent madam [i read the 1st comment here]..
my best wishes to both of you..you love writing and and now thats your job.. :)..now u will give ur fullest to it...awesome..

At February 10, 2013 at 11:38 AM , Blogger Oldfox004 said...

Yes, writing is fun..thanks for your wishes B:)


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