About being the wife and little else...

It was the deciding moment in my life four years back. I had rehashed the most useful template in my entire professional life of 8 years - the resignation template and presented it to the manager. I was freed the very next moment and remember walking away crooning Queen's 'I want to break free'. The manager, who should be severely reclassified in the 'Invertebrata' family, did however butt in with free gyaan but somewhere we both realised it was late - just too late.

It wasn't about the analyst function anymore nor was it about glass ceilings, favouritism or other office shenanigans. I just wanted to feed my heart, listen to my own song; I wanted to explore me!

I had to start early in life - started at seventeen as a field researcher with a marketing and research group, then followed pretty much anything that came my way from writing certificates in calligraphy to painting t-shirts to writing term assignments for classmates. Then took the roller coaster ride on my way to career and self fulfilment.

Alas! A series of roles  - faculty, database administrator, data analyst, quality analyst, trainer, etc. etc. but nothing that touched within, nothing at all that I would carry a piece of when I transcend. And that's how I found myself at the edge of the cliff four years ago.

Image courtesy: modernlifeblogs

Today even after four years of exploration, I've barely scratched the surface but I do know that I can design handicrafts, logos, brochures and wedding cards. It was an unknown path but the deeper I walked in, the familiar it became and the more I wanted to waltz around. Now it is the most delightful road to be on - one that smells of familiar flowers, one where I soak in the rich journey, without a care to where I'm headed!

Though it's strange how I travelled in search of me and found happiness instead. A good measure of true happiness for me is the ones who are happy because of you. And we can only spread happiness when we are happy inside. And we are happy when we find ourselves. So I guess its a vicious pursuit every life we lead.

But then there is an external world - a society that attaches happiness to degrees, cars and promotions. A society that is constantly wanting to make you feel small and insignificant. A society that is defined by clout and gender inequalities. Perhaps, this is going towards the scale of melodrama now, but this is how it is.

These days I hardly get to design. But I'm filling up my days with blogging and reading up every little thing to keep myself updated. Remember I write a blog along with my hubby and this keeps us occupied 24x7. There's never a dull moment for me as I love writing and to juggle it with cleaning, cooking, sorting and other chores in a regular day, is actually testing my multitasking abilities to the core.

It's beyond my comprehension how the human brain reconfigures itself to learning new tasks and creating new patterns of thought for a specific task. It's like you get into something that looks uncomfortable and soon it becomes your second skin. It's almost magical. Thinking was never so much fun!

But...I'm the wife at the end of it all and not the co-founder - at least that’s how the majority thinks! I do a fair amount of brainstorming to generate new ideas. I think as our readers do and help improve upon the design aspect. I do a lot of research as one cannot create content unless stimulated enough, unless passionate enough or better still unless she is on the wings of fire!

But when I write an article, the hubby gets all the accolades for it - he is the face of the blog after all. Though he goes out all the way to clarify but one cannot blame the world for thinking it’s a one-man show. There is a certain lady - a sharp, intelligent, business-savvy one, who is very impressed with our content and confesses to spending a few hours reading us at a stretch. She knows about the two of us. But interestingly, I do not exist for her. All her feedback and suggestions are always addressed to the Founder.

I used to attend events along with him but I've stopped those now. It’s like daddy has brought his little darling to office and everyone in the department wants to greet her. Of course! I'm to be blamed. I had introduced myself as 'Wife' and then 'Co-Founder', because in my mind I was only playing the supporting actor role to help my hubby - the Hero! The blog is his dream; he has spent the whole of last year writing articles every day along with his day job.

I've come to terms with this and strangely am finding my place in his dream. When I look back to connect the dots, I see everything that I ever learned to do is now finding its rightful purpose. Much like the random, meaningless pieces of a puzzle that align themselves to finally give meaning to it. So never mind the external identity crisis as long as I am in search of 'me'!

"It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit." ~ Denis Waitley.